HAS 28 years old, Julien, a marketing executive, defines himself as a “boy of (his) time”. So, like the boys of his time, the twenty-year-old, with long hair and a dandy look, first relied on Tinder to “meet love”. Then, like many, he left the application. “Weary, tired and almost sickened” by two years of swipes, matches and others likes.
Like him, 44% of French users today say they are “unsatisfied” with love applications (Tinder, Badoo, Happn, etc.) and only 20% of singles plan to use them to meet their partner, reveals a survey by the institute Cluster 17 for Point. Could it be the time of disenchantment for these “apps” which, ten years earlier, came to revolutionize the world of dating?
After a “boom” at the time of the Covid-19 epidemic (which came less from newcomers than from ex-users), the drop, in 2021, of 5% in Tinder downloads (source: data.ai) This is evidenced by: for many French people, the breakup is complete.
“After this all-screen period, many users felt the need to return to the real world,” explains Pascal Lardellier, professor of communication sciences at the University of Burgundy and author of Loving yourself in the age of masks and screens (Editions de l’Aube, 2022).
“Dating burnout”
But this “digital saturation” only partly explains their departure. “There is no shortage of reasons that turn users away from applications,” assures Pauline Gareau, co-author of the essay. Surviving the Tinderian Jungle (Editions Leduc, 2023) and the Instagram account “Tinder and its nuggets”.
Disillusionment, misunderstandings, failures… For some, the application is an “obstacle course”, she admits. “You have to “sell yourself”, devote time to it, find the words to initiate a conversation, maintain it, get a “date” (date, Editor’s note) only to end up, sometimes, by being “ghosted” (see contact s ‘interrupt suddenly) and return to square one. » For those who invest in it, “it can be exhausting”.
A feeling that the Anglo-Saxon press has popularized under the term “dating burn-out”. “I felt like I was in a constant interview and was spending my time trying to be original, because I could tell which girls were overworked and knew that when I was in conversation with one of them, I “I was in competition with ten or fifteen other boys,” says Julien.
The young man did not hesitate to put his hand in his wallet to “maximize (his) chances”, the application offering men, who statistically receive less matches than women, to subscribe to paid services to increase their visibility. Which do not protect against the painful experience of ghosting (Anglo-Saxon word designating the fact of ceasing all communication without warning or giving an explanation). “A few days before our first meeting and after several weeks of conversation, she disappeared from the radar,” he recalls, bitterly. “It was too much, I left the app straight away. »
Install the Tinder app, uninstall it…
“I believe that the screen has a tendency to dehumanize relationships,” summarizes Alexandre* in these words. After five years on the application, this 37-year-old engineer, who describes himself as “repentant of Tinder”, today takes a critical look at its use. “I didn’t even know how to approach real life anymore and didn’t even want to, in fact. This app is the woman of a thousand faces and the approach can quickly become consumerist. »
A “catalogue” effect which can confuse both parties, underlines Pauline Gareau. “I have long had the feeling of being a product on display,” confides Antonia, a 31-year-old communicator with long blond hair in a bun. An impression that the young woman strived to “overcome”. Because “they succeeded in some, I wanted to believe that the algorithms would allow me to meet someone who matched me”.
Wishful thinking… “After several disappointments, I spoke with my mother, she told me how everything separated her from my father when they met and I said to myself that artificial intelligence would surely never have brought them together , relates the young woman, with a laugh. So, I uninstalled the app. »
Uninstalling the app, Anna*, 22, did it too. Before reinstalling it, several times. “At the slightest disappointment, even minimal, I left Tinder, convinced that I would know how to meet someone “in real life”, then, on the first evening of depression, I installed it again,” recalls the student.
The process, “very common”, is symptomatic. “Many have this practice as soon as they “saturate” with Tinder, it is the paradox and the genius of the application to present itself in such a simple way, even though it can give rise to so much torment », comments Pauline Gareau.
The era of virtual “flirting”
So Tam, a 32-year-old image consultant, says she “fell from a height”. “We talked for weeks and weeks and we had to meet to realize that there was nothing: no chemistry. » A disappointment commensurate with his investment: “I had given my time and my person…”
“It’s still a classic application,” comments Pauline Gareau. “If many users can be very different from the image they wanted to transmit through the screen, imagination remains a powerful lever of seduction and it is not uncommon that, nourished only by photos and messages of its interlocutor, it creates disillusionment. »
The meeting still needs to take place. Because these apps also amount, for many users, to a discussion space devoid of any prospect of meeting. 37% of them admitted, in January 2020, to looking for “a person to flirt with virtually” without aspiring to meet them in person, revealed Ifop in a survey devoted to online dating.
A lesser evil. “I met so many boys who had no intention of committing and came to the meeting saying “on a misunderstanding…”” breathes Anna. In fact, the application suffers from a strong gender divide, with women (35%) being half as likely as men (67%) to look for a purely sexual adventure on the applications (source Ifop).
Dating apps described as “scams”
So many elements which add to the discredit of the applications, to the point of being qualified as “scams” by 51% of users (Cluster 17 institute for Point). “Many of those who desert them describe them as a kingdom of “fake,” observes Pascal Lardellier, and consider that only “real life” can offer them, in meetings and profiles, the authenticity they seek. »
Fake trial? “Applications are never just tools that are what we make of them,” recalls the researcher. “Real life is, in any case, the most immediate way to know whether or not there is alchemy,” smiles Tam, who has deleted the application from his smartphone and now favors spontaneous encounters.
Like Julien, Anna and Alexandre. “The meetings are rarer, but more relevant,” confides the latter. And, like it or not, they have a little extra charm. That of the accidental, perhaps…”
* First names have been changed.
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